


Sharing Is Not Caring

by Aoida_blue



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Boys Being Idiots, M/M, emotionally scarring batman memorabilia, skirts and lipstick oh my, swearing oh god so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3135260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoida_blue/pseuds/Aoida_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are just better kept private</p><p>(A.k.a. Four grand misadventures Jason and Dick tell no one about and one they choose to keep to themselves.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharing Is Not Caring

1.

The headache sat right behind his right eye. Pounding, itching, throbbing, agony and it was far too  _early_ to be ready for this sort of shit.  Jason squinted blearily around the room, feeling every increment of pain as the headache slowly got worse the more he woke. He squinted harder.

Surprisingly enough the squinting did not help so Jason scowled instead.

One unthinking step and Jason's foot caught in something silky, his foot caught in something silky and Jason stumbled, grabbing the end of the bed and shaking whatever had tripped him off his foot. His boxers slid to the other side of the room, skidding easily over the wooden floor boards, and Jason scowled a little harder, thumped after them.

“Ulcgammn.” Came the commentary from the bed, “Can you keep it down?”

_No_. Jason decided instantly. He could not.  

Just a little spiteful (what,  _he_ had it coming), Jason stomped a little louder. He kept his eyes on the boxers and not the bed, but that didn’t help at all when his foot caught the end of the bed and pain exploded in his foot and Jason fell hard to the ground.

The landing, well, that didn’t hurt, Jason had got his hands out in time to soften it, but his foot?

His foot  _hurt_. 

“Motherfucking piece of sh-“ Jason bit off, pressing his hands hard against his stinging foot, as if that could make any difference in the world.

“Jason.” Dick groaned, and the bed groaned with him, “Just… just come here and sleep it off.”

Jason glared at his foot. 

Dick sighed again.

“Come on, seriously, I think we’ve already done our despoi-“

“You finish that sentence I’m gonna-“ Jason bit out, eyes flicking along the ground as he thought, and ouch, everything felt so _slow_ , his thought were like the slow sludge of molasses, “Gonna do _something_.”

He’d do something. Something that would be embarrassing and painful. 

Then was a pointed pause from Dick. Probably because Jason didn't finish that sentence out loud, which in hindsight would have probably been the best plan of attack but screw it. Jason ignored it in favour of pulling himself up onto his knees and focused on staying stable as he gave the room of visual sweep.

“Recovery from sex pollen involves sleep,” Dick said, magnanimously ignoring Jason's _awful_ threat, “A good ten hours.”

The bed creaked and whined and Dick's head poked over the side peering through half-shut eyes at him. Nearly every single hair on the right side of his head was pointing toward the sky, the most spectacular bedhead Jason had seen in many years. To add to the look, Dick had a pillow creases down the side of his face (Jason ruthlessly shut down the tiny little voice in his head that pointed out it was  _adorable)_.

The headache Jason had been nursing had starting to turn into something larger, pounding against his eye and Jason rubbed at his eyes, more than a little aggravated, wanting nothing more to snap. It felt childish, but Jason wanted to try to make it back to his safe house, if for no other reason than to prove the Dick wrong, and-

“It’s a little late to develop a sense of shame.” Dick told him, and shrugged, a little too loose to be all natural, “Sleep now. Shame later.”

That could have been Dick’s Grayson’s motto for life.

But it sure wasn't as fuck's Jason's. Jason glowered at Dick, grabbing the boxers that were an arm length from him, because screw Dick-

He dropped them just as fast, because Jason sure as hell didn’t wear Superman boxers. But… it was unsurprisingly typical that Dick did. 

Jason glared around the bedroom.

Where the fuck were his boxers, his nice normal non-superman boxers? Or his clothes even?

A distorted memory of cool night air in places cool night air should never be drifted in Jason's head. He vaguely recalled being on a roof outside, feeling like he was burning from the inside and Dick was being so helpful slicing his clothes off... and... and...

Oh _god_.

With a sudden, horrible clarity, Jason knew he  _threw_ his  _underwear_ into oncoming traffic. 

“Sleeeep.” Dick said, and he was back against his soft comfy-looking cushions, pulling a doona back up his bare shoulder and hitting the free side of the bed.

It would be simpler.

Also Jason had no wearable clothes currently. That was a pretty big factor. 

Jason eyed Dick's comfortable looking bed for another long moment. Raised a finger.

“You tell no one.”

Dick cracked an eyelid, “Really? You think you have to say that.”

Mollified, and vaguely sure he should either be offended or pleased at that, Jason stumbled over. His knees hit the bed and he let himself flop down, there was a blanket tugged over him, and yes, this  was much better.

“Good boy.” Dick smiled, and Jason flung out a hand in the darkness behind his eyelids to hit him.

 

2.

This was. Well.

“We can’t tell B.” Dick told him, voice just a little high in hysteria, “Or Robin. Or Red Robin. Or Orac-“

“Anyone.” Jason continued, biting his words a little more than he liked, “Fuck no one ever. We keep this to our graves agreed?”

The rope keeping them suspended dropped a little, and Jason’s stomach rose in his chest with it. They jerked to a halt, still high above the box, but too close, far too close for Jason’s liking. 

“Agreed.” Dick followed hastily, and Jason would tease him that his voice broke except Jason was pretty sure the moment he spoke his would be doing the same. 

The rope dropped a little more, dropping them closer to… well… _that._  Jason made a noise that was fucking embarrassing as he tried to curl himself up higher. It was an instinctual need to be away, Jason's long disused _flee_ instinct kicking in hard enough to be a more than a little shameful. It would have be shameful too, except the only one around to see it was twitching against Jason like he was doing the same thing. 

“We gotta swing.” Dick said finally, voice still high.

Jason’s eye caught the surrounding warehouse, dipped in darkness. The horrific box they were being slowly levered into was bathed in spotlights, highlighting every little.. _thing_ inside of it… The rest of the warehouse was dark, pitch black in comparison. But there was something in that darkness, something in the  _shadows_. Jason could see the vague lines of shapes.

“It could be worse.” Jason warned, because fuck his luck it could be.

“ _Worse_??” Dick’s asked behind him, “Do you  _see_  what we are being lowered into.”

They dropped a little lower, closer to the – to the –

Oh god. Jason couldn’t even name it in his  _head_. 

“Yup. Okay, you win.” Jason squeaked, “Swing!” 

It was awkward, of course it was, Jason’s entire body was pressed back to back with Dick’s and the whole rolling back and forth thing brought back pollen drenched flashbacks, but any …warm… feeling Jason may have felt in his gut had disappeared the moment he’d seen what awaited them in the box. Actually Jason suspected any 'warm feeling' Jason was going to have ever again might have been quenched by the sight of that box.

They swung, arches getting bigger and bigger until they were seesawing over the edges of the box. 

The rope's hooks above them groaned, an alarming metal weakening sort of groan, up there as Jason’s least favourite sound. The rope gave a little more, jolting them down an alarming distance and suddenly they so much damn closer to the box. So close Jason could see the _ridges_ in the damn things and _god_ was that a batman gauntlet shaped one- _  
_

“Oh fuck.” Jason bit out. 

Then the rope gave all together and they hurtled down. 

Luckily their swinging momentum had arched them just enough, so when the rope gave, they flew straight past the illuminated box of Assorted Batman Dildos and into a pile of something spongy and soft on the warehouse floor. They’d landed on their side, and the angle plus the pile had made for a softer landing then Jason had really been expecting. It was an odd texture though

Then Dick spasmed against him and Jason looked up.

Thats went things went straight into horror territory. 

Lights flickered through the warehouse, illuminating everything.

Al Ghul, Al Ghul porn everywhere. Jason’s eyes flickered around in horror and there was a Nightwing strap on complete with blue stripe, there was Red Robin on his back and fuck- fuck, there was the Red Hood on his knees and there were photoshopped pictures of the  _entire Justice League_ , and a buzzing Superman  _something_ , and  _Jabba_ the Hut and –and –

That's went Jason realised they'd landed on a pile of squishy, anime eyed Batman sex dolls.

Jason and Dick screamed at the same time. 

 

3.

Jason tensed, hearing the footsteps draw closer down the hallway. Torchlight splashed against the far wall and well, okay that wasn’t good. 

Guests weren’t really supposed to be snooping in the 'secret' labyrinths underneath the nightclub.

Jason glanced to the side, saw a small power board room and didn’t waste a moment. He opened the door, darkness hiding the tiny room from sight and slipped in, shutting the door softly behind him.

Immediately Jason was shoved hard against the wall, another body pressing his against the plaster hard, something cold and rounded pressing up along his neck. A gun? Jason thought instantly, but it was the wrong shape and texture, it felt like some sort of baton. J ason tensed at the sensation, preparing to lunge back, to turn and-

“ _Jason_?” And god damn it, really, ” Wow we really have to stop meeting like this.”

The pressure eased off him and Jason turned, catching sight of Dick’s wide eyes and-

Oh God. 

This was-

“Why Dick, you look so pretty tonight.” Jason grinned despite himself, leaning back a little so he wasn't so flush against Dick.

Also he needed all the room possible to take in Dick's whole... look. To his credit, Dick only grinned wider, bright red lipstick making his white teeth seem impossibly bright in the gloom.

“I put in an effort every so often.” Dick nodded at him, a stray hair slipping from his messy feminine do, “As you do too I see.”

It was odd, but Jason had almost entirely forgot his own getup. He smirked at Dick, rolling up his skirt a little so it stopped tangling around his legs and the satin was like silk under his fingers

“Its that kind of night you know.” Jason told him glibly, then had to continue,“But you know we have to trade mascara tips, because Dickie baby-“

There was a _crunch_ outside. Jason's mouth clicked shut almost the exact same moment Dick pressed forward, eyes trained on the door, his gloved hand firm against Jason's mouth. A nd wow, they were pressing a whole lot more now. Fake breasts against fake breasts. Which was an odd sensation to say the least

This was not a situation Jason had ever thought he’d land in.

The steps continued onward.

After a long and painful moment, Dick glanced back at Jason,  slowly pulling a gloved hand off Jason’s lips. Stark against the white cloth of Dick's glove, Jason's lipstick had left behind a dark and perfect lip imprint.

Dick smiled, slow and syrupy.

“Yes my mascara is amazing.” Dick teased, as if they’d never been interrupted,. “but Jay darling, you in smudged lipstick-“ 

He gave a low sort of swooning sound and Jason cocked a brow. Dick eyes were bright as he stepped forward, closer, inadvertently (or deliberately, fuck Jason if he knew) stepped between Jason’s legs, Jason’s skirt hitching up Dick’s knee. With the new angle it was easy for Dick to crack the door open a notch, peering out into the dark.

“Control yourself Dick,” Jason drawled, “I know its hard.”

Dick winked, lifting up his glove and pressing his own lips over Jason’s lipstick imprint on his own hand. 

A needlessly and ridiculous flirting gesture.

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard.” Dick whispered back, and slipped out the door. 

Jason snorted.

 

4.

As far as being a captive was, the current crazy cult  had the decency to make it comfortable. Jason wasn't stretched awkwardly out on some cold table, he wasn't shackled at any strange sort of angles that his back would feel for  _weeks_ and he wasn't blistering hot or frigidly cold. Nup. Instead Jason was seated on a scooping sort of chair which really, Jason had owned less comfortable sofas. The chair had the _best cushions_  in the  _world_. Had his captors been present Jason would have definitely asked where they got the chair/cushion combo from. 

It was most decent sort of crazy cult Jason had come across (and he came across  _far_  too many).

The only bit Jason could complain about was the paint. They’d painted his body with itchy black inky paint that ran in waves over his muscles and swirled and dotted in the ridges of his body. Wherever the black paint went, so did the bright, gaudy silver glitter. Overall the look was a bit like tribal tattoos had gone to a gay parade. What it inspired or invoked, Jason had no idea but he doubted it was to summon tribal drag queens.

Also he was naked. 

But it wasn't cold or hot and there wasn't really any one around so Jason didn't really care too much about that.

He could escape in the nude just as well as he could fully clothed and armed.

After they’d painted him the cult people had disappeared, off to make prayers and ‘amends’ or something.  So left alone and unwatched, Jason wiggled his wrist slowly. The screw holding his right wrist to the comfy chair hadn't been tightened enough and the shackle creaked every time Jason moved. Which made Jason think, it was really only a matter of time before a little bit of  movement had the whole thing coming loose.

Really, the whole situation was remarkably bright. Jason had a comfortable chair, a good escape plan in the work, and the temperature was actually nice. It could have been far worse.

So naturally, Fate decided to spit in his face.

The glass dome ceiling shattered, raining glass and debris into the side of the room and Nightwing fell into the room.

Jason froze, hyper aware of being naked and painted on throne, and Dick froze, staring at him.

“Okay I think I’m in the wrong building.” Dick said, breaking the silence, standing up and brushing a hand through his messy hair, “I am here for a rescue but you seem-“

“Dick.” Jason interrupted, “I had this under control.”

“-Rather comfortable there.” Dick continued, and yes the bastard was smiling, his eyes widened as he saw the chair, “I mean they gave you  _cushions_  and a  _chair_  last time I got trapped by a cult it was cold shackles spread eagle on the ground.”

Well that was descriptive.

“I assume thats because you are  _you_.” Jason pointed out dryly.

Dick frowned at him, as if about to argue the point. Then, like he’d come to some grand internal agreement, his face smoothed and Dick shrugged looking entirely like he’d accepted it as his lot in life. Jason couldn’t contain the urge, and rolled his eyes. 

“So you going to let me out?” Jason said finally, shaking his wrists in their bonds.

Instead of being any sort of helpful and being like the true jerk he was, Dick grinned and fell back to lean against a column. Showing very plainly that no, no he wasn’t. 

“Dick.” Jason gritted out.

“What?” Dick shrugged, and gestured at his bound hands, “That screw’s half way out out and my view’s  _fantastic_  from here.”

Before Jason had barely noticed he was naked. With Dick's eyes on him, Jason found it impossible to forget.

Jason mouth twisted, “Fine, you sit there and watch but if they come back before I’m done I’m going to-“

Dick waved a hand, “Stop your yammering and start working and you’ll be fine.”

Yeah, Dick was a jerk. Jason muttered some unsavoury things under his breath and kept working on the handcuff.

So Jason worked. He tried not to look up, partly because Dick was distracting and the other part was something to do with the encouraging/patronising faces Dick pulled every time Jason looked at, but he was getting somewhere. 

In fact, when he had the screw mostly out of his right handcuff, Jason looked up, fully ready to rub it in to Dick's smug little face.

That plan died instantly.

Dick was on the ground, fast asleep. Jason had a moment to see the fluffy dart sticking out of his neck when he felt something prick his own neck.

_Son of a-_

Waking up was as painful as it was the first time. 

Jason squinted against the glare, shifting about and-

Damn. They’d taken his  _cushions_. As a rule Jason tried not to get attached to material things, but it had been so nice to be treated to  _cushions_. 

There was, however, a consolation prize.

In an equally cushion-less chair, Dick sat jerking his hand against the cuff. Equally naked, equally painted. Jason smirked and like he could feel Jason's unholy glee (Jason damn well hoped he could) Dick’s eyes shot up at him.

“Not a word.” Dick swore lowly.

Jason smirked wider.

This time he sat back, grinning, and watched Dick work.

 

5.

Dick pushed him up for a moment and Jason groaned, because come on, Jason knew that look that creased that Dick’s face. Knew it too well. It was the ‘ _lets talk_ ’ face. Which was stupid as there were so many better things to do than talk right then. 

Better things to occupy their mouths certainly. 

“I just want to check.” Dick said, beating his argument before Jason could air it, “It’ll be quick.”

Jason sighed, full bodied hearty sigh of the long suffering, which Jason thought he definitely counted as.

“Then check already.” Jason moaned.

Like whenever Jason was suffering, Dick grinned (if Jason looked up jerk in the dictionary, he was sure Dick’s face would be there with that _grin_ ). Then he reached down to press one finger to Jason’s chest.

“So you haven’t ingested any sex pollen lately right?” Dick asked.

“No.” Jason snorted, then froze, carefully eying Dick, “Have you-“

“Nup.” Then sap grinned and leant down to press a kiss on Jason’s nose, ducking out quickly before Jason could swat him away, “You make me feel high naturally.”

Oh  _god_. That was  _terrible_. Jason made a face that hopefully adequately demonstrated his thoughts at that line but it only made Dick grin wider.

“You are a menace to society with those lines.” Jason stated, just to be clear in case his expression hadn’t done enough. 

Dick batted his eyes at him.

“You love it.” Dick told him and overrode him before Jason could retort, pressing two fingers down on Jason’s chest, “And secondly…”

Then Dick frowned at him, examining him. Unexpectedly Dick sat up, reached down, and pulled Jason’s sweats down to his knees. Jason couldn’t help the red hot flush that flooded right across his chest and up his neck.

“Jesus. Its either 0 or 60mph with you isn’t it?” He asked rhetorically, fighting down the ridiculous urge to cover himself up - it was a laundry day and he had no boxers and yeah this was a bad time to regret not doing a wash sooner, “What  _are_  you doing?”

Because Dick wasn’t doing anything remotely sexy or seductive. Nup. He was just closely looking Jason over in a way that topped Jason’s embarrassment scale. It was the same sort of look you'd give a spot the difference game or a find-a-word, not really the most ego-boosting thing to see in the bedroom. 

Then Dick lent in over his stomach, hands braced either side of Jason’s hips and flicked him a smile.

“Just checking for any tribal tattoos.” Dick responded easily, and placed a quick kiss right below Jason’s navel. 

A surprised little giggle erupted out of Jason before he could quench it, he was  _ticklish_  there and his image didn’t support  _giggling_ , but Dick was grinning about so he must have heard anyway. Yeah screw it, he knew his image was worth zilch around Dick anyway.

Still.

Enough was enough.

Pursing his lips, Jason braced his hands either side of Dick’s jaw and drew him up. Dick took the hint and crawled slowly up Jason’s body, eyes raking along his bare skin as he went until finally, finally, their eyes locked at level.

“You going to start checking my drawers for those ladies garters now?” Jason asked, deliberately dropping his voice to the octave he  _knew_  made Dick shudder.

Dick’s eyes flicked to his drawers, a cheeky look in his eyes.

“Why, you feel like a little role-“

Jason shut him up firmly by pulling him in those last few inches for a kiss. He made it the sort of kiss that distracted Dick, the long, toe curling, lip-rubbing, breathy kiss. Dick sighed, body relaxing almost immediately and Jason rolled them easily. Sitting on top was easier to get the angle right and he tilted Dick’s head just  _so_  and arousal tingled down Jason’s spine. 

Dick wasn’t content to remain passive, he nipped in on their small breaths apart, hands curling out and brushing along Jason’s hip bone. 

An idea struck Jason, and he grinned sudden and bright against Dick’s lips. Dick immediately sensed his mood and drifted apart for a moment, gaze flicking across Jason’s face, mouth grinning back on autopilot. 

“What?” Dick asked, lazily rubbing his smile along Jason’s jaw.

Jason grinned brighter and oh, this was going to be  _amazing_. 

He kissed up Dick’s jaw in response, nipping and pushing Dick from Jason’s jaw as he worked, finally he got to the junction between Dick’s neck and jaw and pressed a lingering kiss there. He got a low sigh from Dick, green light said _go,_  and moved in for the kill.

Jason let his lips rest against the shell of Dick’s ear, feeling Dick shiver against him.

“You haven’t mentioned that last unmentionable encounter.” Jason prompted lowly, and Dick hummed a query, lost in the sensation and savouring every second Jason continued, “Batman. Dildos.”

It took less than a second for Dick to freeze entirely up against him.

Then Jason got an elbow in the stomach, shoved off Dick entirely and he hit the floor with an _oopmh_ , But Dick’s expression-

Jason laughed, laughed hard. So hard he had to curl up on the ground laughing.

Dick look so  _betrayed_.

A minute lately Dick appeared over the side of the bed, shaking his head at him.

“Oh you are a  _bastard_.” Dick declared, throwing a pillow that landed dead centre right on Jason’s face.

Jason laughed harder, and his stomach was hurting. He pulled off the cushion and Dick was onto of him on the floor, trying to look stern, but Jason could see the grin slipping through his angry facade. 

“That was low” Dick told him sternly, and admittedly it did loose its value when Dick was half naked and straddling him.

Jason grinned.

“Maybe.” Jason drawled cheekily, “Worth it though.”

Dick shook his head, mock sad.

“Would serve you right if I walked out right now.” Dick told him, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Feeling far too fond, Jason tugged Dick down gently so he could press his grin against Dick’s lips.

“You won’t.” Jason told him.

Dick hummed low, giving Jason a quick glancing kiss. 

“Of course not.” Dick kissed him again, ignoring Jason when he chased him back, and smiling at Jason's attempts to get closer, “I mean we’ve still got to find that garter…”

Jason laughed.

 

 

 


End file.
